Gratitude Journal – Day 124 – November 1, 2014

You’ll never really know…
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the impact you’ll have on others…… and in the end, it shouldn’t impact your desire to keep on keeping on. Just a simple smile can make all of the difference to a friend, a family member or better yet – a stranger. And if a smile has that much power, just think how much a kind word or even prayer will travel. 

As I get out of my car, I have to duck my head just a little so I don’t knock my pink cowboy hat/tiara combination off of my head. Even though it’s Halloween, most folks don’t dress up for work, so when they see me they have to look twice - and I smile…. . Now you’ll have to admit that it’s hard not to smile back at a lady with pink hair, a pink hat with a tiara and a pseudo leather vest with Fried Flamingos painted on the back.

It’s too late to decide to blend in now – just go for it… I get in the elevator with three young men on it – and one says to me – ‘we don’t have any candy’… and I bust out laughing. And we all smile. I make my way to my office, and a fellow worker who just moved into the cube outside does a double take – to which I reply, ‘you should have checked the neighborhood before you moved in!’ And we smile…..

My co-workers have been going above and beyond to knock a project out before a due date, so I walk over to let them know how much I appreciate their efforts. And she replied, ‘I really appreciate you telling us how much you appreciate us – it makes all the difference.’ And I smile.

And she says ‘pink hair really looks good on you’, to which I reply, ‘thank you! Of course it does, after all my name is Tutu Pink.’ (Tutu – Hawaiian for Grandmother/father – Pink – my nickname from my Fried Flamingo Days)

And she gave me an envelope with a card and a small pewter heart just to let me know that she had been thinking about me during the days since myDarlin’ left us. And I say thank you…. You have no idea of what this heart means to me.

My day of pink continues, to the grocery, to see the kids, to a Halloween party with dear friends and finally to Ronnie John’s. So many are dressed in costume that I don’t recognize them, and I make my way to the wall counter in the back of the room to find a spot. As I scan the room a second time, I see her – a dear lady whom I only met a couple of times, but am friends with on Facebook – so I do know that the wonderful impression she made on me is truly who she is in real life. And so I made my way over to say hello and she shared with me what an inspiration my daily gratitude journals have had on her. What I didn’t know before tonight is that she has experienced loss the same as me… And I smile a smile of understanding and love.

My laptop overheats easily, so I have the notebook our daughters brought for me the day after myDarlin’ left us under the key board propping it up for air circulation. Why does this matter you may be asking yourself…. My hands rest upon the notebook as words spill from my heart through my fingertips onto the keyboard and screen. And the notebook cover is inscribed ‘Trust in the Lord’……

I am filled with gratitude today as I look back over my day, my friends and my life with myDarlin’ Robert Kenui Pope. I know that the Lord guides my hands and heart every day. I think that if I could, I would dye my hair pink and wear my pink cowboy hat with the tiara every day just so more people would smile. And I would be content not knowing what the impact was for I know it is always returned to me tenfold, just like a boomerang

#KeepLookingUp #smile.

Gratitude Journal – Day 123 – October 31, 2014

Halloween Memories…..

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When I was a child, my Mother would sew costumes for my sister and me, and we would anxiously await the night when we could walk door to door to ‘Trick or Treat’. Living up north often meant that our costumes were covered by coats, which I promise you that no kid in their right mind wanted to wear over their costumes. Try as we may, we never seemed to win that battle. And at the end of the evening, it was a distant memory as we poured our loot out on the dining room table to search for our favorite candies.

Carrying on the tradition with my boys, I sewed costumes for them and we went ‘Trick or Treating’ on that frightful night, delighting at the many different costumes the other children wore. I can remember pouring the loot out on the dining room table, and bribing the boys to let me have a couple of my favorites. (I didn’t even pull out the parent card – just begged essentially) They were always so generous and even offered the Twizzlers to me without me asking.

Last year, the grandchildren knocked on the door for ‘Trick or Treat’ all dressed up in their scary costumes and I immediately obliged after making them pose for the obligatory photo. And I don’t even have to ask, because they know that their Tutu has a sweet tooth and bring the candy they know I’ll just love.

myDarlin’ Robert Kenui Pope and I loved to have fun and dress up for Halloween, with one of the most memorable being Sonny and Cher. It was so much more than just dressing up as we practiced two songs; The Beat Goes On and I Got You Babe. Countless nights practicing, laughing, gathering the costumes and making memories as we prepared for that magical night. And so we made the rounds supporting local music, and our friends brought us up on stage. It had been years since I sang on stage, back in high school and church, so myDarlin’ gave me the confidence I needed. As we finished, the crowd went wild with applause and we all laughed together.

The end of the evening, or should I say beginning of the morning, found us at our favorite ‘haunt’ Waffle House as the staff went crazy when we walked in. And the photo sums it up, another wonderful Halloween for the memory bank.
I am filled with gratitude this Halloween as the beat goes on in my heart powered by memories of days gone by.

If memories are deposits in my bank account, I’m the richest woman in the world.

‪#‎KeepLookingUp‬

Gratitude Journal – Day 122 – October 30, 2014

Not my job…

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changing the oil, determining when to buy tires, setting up home entertainment game centers, backing up iPhones…..And so he asked me one day, when are you going to put the decal that you got last year in Hawaii on your car window? That’s not my job I replied, and he laughed….

It took a lifetime to find myDarlin', Robert Kenui Pope, someone that I could totally trust with my heart and every other part of my life. And as I let go, I found myself depending more and more on him for things that he was good at, and he on me for things I did well. And so, car decals were not my gig.

The tire slowly lost air and required filling up at the pump at least weekly. And she said to me as I dropped off Malibu Barbie, When was your last oil change? I’m not sure, that’s not my job I replied. When were your tires last replaced? I don’t know, that’s not my job. You see, in days past I would simply switch vehicles with myDarlin’ for a week and let him ‘take care of’ all of ‘those things’ that were not my job.

As I walked through the double glass doors of a shop he loved so, she asked for
my name and the purpose of my visit. Sheri, I replied. I’d like to purchase the iPhone 6. I know that myDarlin’ was right by my side, giddy with anticipation at a new piece of technology. And then, the thing that almost kept me from buying it, the question….. When was your iPhone last backed up Sheri? I don’t know, that’s not my job I replied.

I haven’t really ‘watched’ TV in so long, that it seemed crazy to keep cable – so I
had it turned off, and had a high speed data connection installed. The immediate impact was that I couldn’t watch anything on the TV for obvious reasons. And the Netflix no longer worked either as the password to the internet had changed. And so it sat…. the smart TV with a blank screen on the mantle gazed upon by a not so technically savvy me.

And so, it is now up to me, and I can hear myDarlin’ say, “I can see you’re frustrated, why don’t you take a break and come back to it?” I take a big breath, then had the oil changed, bought new tires and brakes, bought the iPhone and backed it up, and even figured out how to connect the smart TV to the internet.

Today I am filled with gratitude as I remember all of the things that myDarlin’ did for me on a daily basis, how he truly took care of me. And if you ask me, when I am going to put the decal that we got in Hawaii last year on my car window, I will still reply, that’s not my job as I look to the heavens and say I love you myDarlin’.

‪#‎KeepLookingUp‬ ‪#‎NotMyJob‬

Gratitude Journal – Day 121 – October 29, 2014

Happy Birthday….

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to my Daddy. How I wish that I could be there for you tomorrow to celebrate another year with you. I think back to a poem that I wrote for you when I was 15 years old….It’s what I gave to you for your birthday as you have never been one for material things. Over the years, the poem has traveled well from one house to another, somewhere lost from your hands, and eventually making its’ way back to you. And while I don’t have it in my hands, I still have the sentiment in my heart to share with you.

One of seven born into a humble beginning, he played on the bank of the creek feeling the soft mud between his toes And he dug for worms to ‘pay his way’ to go fishing with his Uncle, a man whose kindness made an impression that would last a lifetime.

School held so many possibilities to expand his universe, and though he didn’t particularly care for school, quitting never crossed his mind. Even though he wasn’t fully aware of it, his thirsty mind drank the waters of knowledge as he developed his love of reading that would stay with him to this very day.

And events far more difficult than any child should experience filled so many days of his childhood, as his mother became his angel.

Braving a new world, he joined the army, traveled overseas and then moved to the big city. Hard work intersecting with opportunities, like the railroads running through the big city opened a world of possibilities and dreams of his own family and home.

So the young man became a Father, determined to give his children more than he ever dreamed of having.And he cradled his first born as she cried during the night, reassuring her Mother that everything’s going to be alright.

Time marches on….. as he sacrificed for his family, climbing the proverbial ladder to provide what he never had. This man, the last of seven, born into humble beginnings has made his mark and there’s an angel in heaven today that is oh so proud of her young man, the man I call Dad.

I thank you for being the best Dad I could ever hope for. You gave me a solid foundation, of love, of knowledge, of possibilities as your little girl. And as I grew into a woman, I came to know you as a true friend, a friend I can share my hopes and dreams with, a friend who I go to for advice, help and comfort.

Happy Birthday to the best Dad ever! I love you!

‪#‎BestDadEver‬ ‪#‎KeepLookingUp‬

Gratitude Journal – Day 120 – October 28, 2014

Stories….

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Tutu – tell me ‘bout the good old days…. myDarlin’ Robert Kenui Pope and I used to marvel at the fact that even though two of our grandchildren were so far away, though the magic of technology we are able to communicate as if they are in the next room through Face time. And as the girls and I waited for the game to start, we Face timed with our family up North. As soon as he saw me, he said ‘Tutu’ and it made me smile thinking about all of the times myDarlin’ and I would try to get him to say Tutu.

We used to talk of how different times are now compared to even just ten or so years ago, and that there is a generation who has never known a world without instant communication. And even though in person is always better, using instant communication vehicles definitely comes in a close second.

The day after the service for myDarlin’ (which is a story in and of itself), Kaleo pointed to the sky as the plane passed overhead and said, ‘Tutu!’. I snapped a photo and will be telling that story for years to come. You see, Kaleo was looking up and I believe knew at that moment that his Tutu was in heaven.

Telling stories has become even that much more important since myDarlin’ left this crazy world of ours. I find myself wanting to document everything that I can remember about him, his laugh, his smile, the twinkle in his eye as he would tell stories of days gone by, or something that just happened that morning.

And he would tell stories of how Brayden would send everyone the bible verse of the day on his iPad even though he was only five years old. (there’s technology again….) I can remember him playing ‘who would win’ with Brayden, naming two superheroes and making him name the reason why one would win over the other.

And as God knew the timing of myDarlin’s days, we spent Easter together. We picnicked on the front lawn, pulling furniture out from Leilani’s Aloha Lounge, and played volley ball with the Kona beach balls he was so proud of. And we laughed, we played, we told stories and made memories on that front lawn until the sun set over the little lake in the back yard. In those last few days he spent in person with the boys, myDarlin’ packed a lifetime of memories in and we will be telling stories for years and years to come.

And on this day, I am filled with gratitude for grandchildren who bring joy with a simple look, a smile and simply saying the word Tutu. Your Tutu is watching over you now until the day when we are reunited.

‪#‎KeepLookingUp‬

Gratitude Journal – Day 119 – October 27, 2014

Who Dat?
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….. say dey gonna beat dem Saints…. rings through my head as game time gets closer. As kind and gentle as myDarlin’ Robert Kenui Pope was, he did turn on the smack talk during games. And so today was extra special as the Saints played the Packers, the team his daughters support. 

It is quite evident that they are his daughters, as they follow along play by play during the game. And I insert the appropriate amount of trash talk in his memory, just as he would have done. The score is tied up at half time, and I say a quick prayer for the Saint’s and know that myDarlin’ is petitioning for the same directly. And with each touchdown, I post a Saints related photo in memory of myDarlin’s fun loving nature.

myDarlin’ followed the Saints through good times and bad, the same way that he lived his life’s story always looking up and for the silver (well, in this case black and gold) lining. And he flew the Saints flags proudly letting everyone know which team he was on, just like he let everyone know he was a Saint on God’s team.

Today I am filled with gratitude that myDarlin’, one of God’s Saints, triumphed and is cheering all of us on from heaven. And I raise my cup of coffee in his mug in his honor.

#KeepLookingUp #WhoDat #Saints

Gratitude Journal – Day 118 – October 26, 2014

Our motto…
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has always been, ‘Work hard, Play hard’ and it is clearly evident that ‘Children learn what they live’. Even though myDarlin’ Robert Kenui Pope and my upbringing was very different; mine in Northwest Indiana with four seasons, and his on Oahu with mild temperatures year round – comparing notes showed us that both of us grew up with hard working parents who also knew the value of play.

And as our own children grew, in what seems like a world apart, we passed down the tradition of ‘Work hard, Play hard’. From times when our children were young, we worked hard at our respective jobs so that we could afford our children being able to participate in sports and music activities with their peers, as well as took the time just to spend time with them doing fun family activities.

I can remember clear as day a conversation myDarlin’ and I had earlier this year in the springtime as we were driving down Bob Bettis Road. I hope that when we are gone our legacy will be that we knew how to ‘Work hard and Play hard’. I hope that they will remember the Tools for School and Toys for Tots parties we threw to not only have fun but do good for others. I hope that they will remember that in life we must always put in the hard work before playing, and that it makes play that much sweeter when we do.

And as the young boys train and practice almost every night of the week, they are learning the value of ‘Work hard, Play hard’, competing on a weekly basis at their sport of boxing. Today at the boxing exhibition at the fair they are victorious in their bout. There have been other days when they have not been, but the experience they are gaining is the foundation for a solid future.

After their bouts, the Coach, who happens to be their father and my son, takes them to have their head gear airbrushed with any design they want, then on to the fairgrounds on this brisk evening to run, to laugh, to ride the rides, to eat ice cream and walk through the house of mirrors. And I look over to their Coach, I know that Children DO learning what they LIVE and am so proud that the tradition continues.

Today I am filled with gratitude for having parents that instilled the foundation of ‘Work hard, Play hard’, for the ability to do the same as we raised our children, and the blessing that it will be carried forward by our children and grandchildren long after we are gone.

#WorkHardPlayHard #KeepLookingUp

Gratitude Journal – Day 117 – October 25, 2014

Yesterday……

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all our troubles seemed so far away, now it looks as if they’re here to stay, oh I believe in yesterday….. echoes in my ears. I hear the music he plays on his guitar, and her sweet voice floating through the air, but my mind is racing with so many happy thoughts of yesterday, of when myDarlin’ Robert Kenui Pope and I met, road trips we took, music we experienced, feeling safe in each other’s arms, laughing till our sides hurt and talking into the wee hours of the morning.

I am still deep in thought, when I hear her say I want you to meet my friend who also just lost her husband. My heart breaks for her as I know what she is feeling, and am thankful to learn that she already knows our Lord who lightens our load. And as she tells me their story, I can see that even though it is very different than ours, there are so many similarities. Both myDarlin’ and he were able to attend the wedding where love begins anew, share the love of music with loved ones and to have the final celebration of life fitting of their love for friends and family.

The music continues, as does life and the pain lessens a little bit with each passing day. If you wake up and don't want to smile, If it takes just a little while. Open your eyes and look at the day, You'll see things in a different way.

I tell her of the quilts another friend is making for each of us and she smiles as she knows that this will make it just a tiny bit easier going through his shirts. And one day soon, she will be able to wrap her quilt around her like a big hug from him.

As I open my eyes and look at the day, I know that it is different than yesterday and can hear myDarlin’ say, Keep looking up Baby…. and I know that we will be together soon for this life is just a blink in the eyes of eternity.

I am grateful today dear Lord for meeting another sister in the Lord, and I pray you to give her strength and understanding as she begins this journey.

‪#‎LifeisFragileHandlewithPrayer‬ ‪#‎KeepLookingUp‬ ‪#‎TrustintheLord‬

Gratitude Journal – Day 116 – October 24, 2014

Ice cream…..
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a simple pleasure for all. I challenge you to think back as far as you are able.,.. sssstreeeetcccchhhh. What is your earliest memory of ice cream? For me, it is as a little girl standing on the vinyl covered kitchen chair to reach the ice wooden cream churn filled with rock salt. Of course, I wanted to help my Dad with the churning, but am sure that I never made it beyond 30 seconds or so. Our Mommy (we called her Mommy for our entire lives) would mix ingredients for different flavors, mostly vanilla and strawberry. What a treat that was.

As I drove home today, I marveled at how I was getting green lights all of the way and as I was crossing the overpass, it hit me – I must have Dairy Queen! Several times over the past year, myDarlin’ and I would get the urge late in the evening and rush over to grab a cone and a Blizzard. The dining room closes at 9:00, and supposedly the drive through at 10:00pm. More than once we would pull up at 9:45pm and they would already be closed, so we tried our darndest to get there early on those special days we wanted to have a small treat. And we would sit in the parking lot under the red neon Dairy Queen sign, eating ice cream and talking about the simple pleasures of life.

And as we walked down the steps off the plane in the Maui airport, the fresh ocean air filled our senses. Gather the luggage, pick up the rental car and we’re on the road! And what do you think our first stop is? At the Maui Mall for ice cream, or rather what is known as Guri-Guri. Your choices are pineapple or strawberry and one scoop or two. Simple pleasures….

The summer of 1978 was a scorcher, even in the northwest corner of Indiana. And there were many times that this pregnant girl and her hubby found themselves at Dairy Queen for the BOGO banana splits. I would eat mine quickly and go for his next! Fair warning, you better eat your ice cream quickly around me!

A hot Georgia summer evening finds two of our grandsons and me at Dairy Queen (yes, there are other ice cream shoppes, but there’s just something about DQ) eating ice cream cones that are melting quicker than once can twirl the cone on your tongue. Yes, it was a hot, sticky mess – but the boys were oh so happy and the photo ops were great.

A summers night a few years ago finds us pulling up to Dairy Queen with our son who is staying for a few weeks during the summer. As we approach the entry, we find the doors locked with a sign that says ‘Drive Thru Only’. OK, so we could get in the car and drive around, but decided to take a different approach. So myDarlin’ and our son walked up to order at the Drive Thru, and then walked around to the pick up window all the while acting as if they were in a car. Priceless! I wish I would have taken a photo of the look on the associate’s face! What a fun memory.

And so I drove through the drive thru tonight, ordered a small ice cream on this cool evening, and parked the car under the sign. I am grateful for the memories of simple pleasures flooding my being as I close my eyes under the big red swirl of the neon Dairy Queen sign. The ice cream drips down the side of the cone onto my hand and I laugh as I can hear myDarlin’ Robert Kenui Pope ask me ‘Are you gonna finish that?’

He will be our peace – Micah 5:5

#KeepLookingUp #SimplePleasures

Gratitude Journal – Day 115 – October 23, 2014

Four…

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months since myDarlin’ Robert Kenui Pope left us and not a day goes by that I don’t miss him and think back to the countless memories of ordinary and extraordinary moments. And as I sit alone at the dining room table looking toward the living room where he would wind down in the evening or after a late night, I think about the small moments between just the two of us.

- Waking to his morning kiss and hearing him tell me, you look wonderful baby. (regardless of whether his eyes were even open, LOL!)
- Drive safely Darlin’ I would say to him as he left to go to work
- Random texts during the day just to say I love you
- Sharing a vehicle for a week because he couldn’t find his keys
- Waking him up from an afternoon nap with a kiss
- Impromptu road trips – just the two of us
- Loading in and out at gigs
- Working on photos and websites together
- Late night (or early morning) visits to Waffle House
- Watching Casa Blanca and other Bogart films
- Cataloging his vinyl collection
- Hearing him practice in Leilani’s and just hanging out enjoying the music
- Listening to the stories of his childhood and Kamehaha
- Planning parties, get togethers and family Sundays
- Recounting the story of how we met (he was soooo happy when he found out I had a JOB – LOL!)
- Talking of his upcoming retirement next year and of our ten year plan to move back to Hawaii

And there were so many more moments between just us, with our families and friends, or as we preferred Ohana. Precious memories of a kind, gentle, talented, smart and funny man. And the magnet on our refrigerator says:

We do not remember days, we remember moments

Today I am filled with gratitude that God orchestrated the story of our lives so that we would experience what it is to finally find our Soulmate. And where one may think there is a hole, it is completely filled with my love for him.

Let all that you do be done in Love. 1 Corinthians 16:14

‪#‎KeepLookingUp‬ ‪#‎OrdinaryExtraordinaryMoments‬

Gratitude Journal – Day 114 – October 22, 2014

Days like these….

help me to remember how fortunate I am not only in my personal life, but in my career with The Home Depot. The year is 1986 and with a young family, I needed to find a job to help out with the household expenses. After a full day of searching and interviewing for jobs that didn’t quite fit the bill, I decided to pull into one more parking lot, The Home Depot. And it was that decision that changed my life forever, and blood that formerly ran red, now flowed with orange.

Over the years, 28 on 10/22 in fact, there have been many changes along the way including CEOs. We were sad to see Bernie retire, but ever so happy when Frank took the reigns over. During his time in position, he won the hearts of so many associates as he built a stellar leadership team and made customer service a priority once again.

Every month, I along with other team members, volunteer to help out with Frank's Forum. Where else does the CEO host a talk show to celebrate associates from around the country and take live questions from callers? Where else will the CEO stop to sign aprons, and pose for photographs with associates? Where else does the CEO tweet photos of himself and associates providing stellar service? Where else does the CEO participate in the internal social network, or take time out every Monday to speak to each group of new store leaders as they arrive for training? It’s right here at The Home Depot my friends.

So another era is coming to an end as Frank has made his plans, deservedly so, to retire and truly enjoy life. Today was the last edition of Franks Forum, and every familiar step somehow felt strangely surreal as we knew it was the last. Bernie was there, and of course Frank. And the future looks bright too, as Frank and Bernie welcomed Craig to the stage and to the ranks of CEO. Let’s do this Craig!

Today I am grateful for the past, the present and all that the future holds. It’s Good to be Orange!

‪#‎ItsGoodtobeOrange‬ ‪#‎FranksForum‬ ‪#‎KeepLookingUp‬ ‪#‎LetsDoThis‬

Gratitude Journal – Day 113 – October 21, 2014

Day three….
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of your birthday celebration myDarlin’ and I can’t wipe this smile off of my face as I think back to the signs (#GodWinks) that you sent to let us know that you are enjoying the view. Today was the Blue Hawaii Birthday Jam in your honor and all I can say is that you are truly loved; yesterday, today and tomorrow. 

Anytime at all, all you’ve got to do is call and I’ll be there…..

loudly and deliberately woke me from my sleep this morning. (OK, OK – I know I had already been hitting my snooze for at least 45 minutes) As I jump in the shower I can hear you (and our grandsons because they’ve heard you so many times) say, “You really shouldn’t jump in the shower, it’s dangerous”.

(insert smiley face here)

I go to the living room to open the blinds to let the sun shine in and say to you, “We’re having a party for you tonight myDarlin’ and I’ll be a bit late getting home” and your hat that is hanging by your urn falls to the ground. OK myDarlin’ I will take your hat with me. (by the way – I sure hope people don’t think that I am crazy when I tell them. Oh wait! They already do.)

(insert smiley face here)

Our friends decorated the patio for your birthday jam with shades of ocean blue and Leilani, and brought a cake fashioned after the beach that you loved so much. I brought a few of your Blue Hawaii Elvis pieces and thought about how you were so modest about having been in the movie Blue Hawaii with Elvis himself. Funny that Elvis was referred to as the King, and now you are really starring with the real King of Kings in heaven. In fact, you’ll be there all week (insert ba-da-bum), or is it for eternity?!

(insert smiley face here)

The girls arrive to celebrate your day and we talk of the fact we’ve gained weight over the past few days. Who ever said that there are no calories in birthday dinners, milk shakes, cakes, etc…. were really telling a story! Her phone has an alert…. ‘Robert Robert Kenui Pope is nearby’ and she asks me if I did anything on your phone. I take it out of my purse to show her, and the same alert is on your phone myDarlin’. ‘Michelle Pope is nearby’. Nothing like being ‘low-key’ myDarlin’… she said you were just messing with her.

(insert smiley face here)

And so in honor of you, your quirky, corny sense of humor and infectious laugh – she takes the stage to tell some of your best jokes. ‘What’s the difference between a pizza and a bass player?’ (wait for it) ‘A pizza can feed a family of four!’ (insert ba-da-bum) But wait, there’s more! She is her Father’s daughter.

(insert smiley face here)

Friends tell me how you, and you and I have caused them to pause and look at life
and love a bit differently. And I thank God for sending you to me, and me to you at a time in our lives when we really needed to know that ‘All you need is love’. And as we looked back at our lives thus far, we realized that there’s no need for fussing and fighting and made sure to appreciate each other every day of our lives.

(insert smiley face here)

It’s time to call it a night on the last day of your birthday celebration. I gather our things, say (or should I say hug) my goodbyes and slide into the car seat. I turn the key in the ignition, the left turn signal comes on and I laugh out loud as I say to myself ‘Nascar! Left turns only’. And I know that you are with me as I think back to so many conversations with you that ended with, ‘We have a good life. I love you.’

(insert smiley face here)

Tonight I am filled with gratitude as I think back over your birthday weekend and how blessed we are to have had eleven wonderful years together. And my prayer for our Ohana is that they will pause to remember when times get tough to keep looking up. Happy Birthday myDarlin’.

#KeepLookingUp #AllYouNeedisLove

Gratitude Journal – Day 112 – October 20, 2014

Random thoughts
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are fleeting through my mind as I sit at the keyboard to write this day’s entry in my Gratitude Journal. A journal whose purpose is to share my journey with anyone who desires to travel with me on the road to where only God knows the destiny. 
I was early to church this morning myDarlin’ Robert Kenui Pope (I know you just fell off one cloud and landed softly on another when you saw me pull into the parking lot early ) And she shared with me that while learning to use the sound system, they pulled up a few older worship services and she knew it was you playing as soon as she heard it. I love it so much when people share these little stories with me. It lets me know that your presence here on earth still lingers in so many people’s memories.

Words are flowing out like endless rain into a paper cup

And he came to play for us, a famous performer, who seemed like such an ordinary man with an extraordinary spirit. It’s funny, or then again maybe not, how so many can relate to a simple message – a message that has the power to change one’s life til the end of time. Is there really an end of time or is it simply eternity? And he quoted Hebrews 13:5 “Never will I leave you; never will I forsake you.”

I’ll meet you at the broken places when you call my name

At the intersection, I look toward the sky and see a myriad of electrical wires crossing to and fro, and just beyond I catch a glimpse of the beautiful heavens. What does this mean I ask myself, (yes myDarlin’, I occasionally talk to myself ) and realize that it represents all that is going on in our lives. And I know that if we can just look past it, if we pause to look a little deeper, we will be able to see it clearly. The traffic light changes from red to green, and as I take my foot off of the brake, designed to keep us from moving forward, and move it to the gas pedal, the sky is wide open with no wires in sight.

Life is tough, but God is good. And at the intersection of life and faith, there are blue skies ahead.

I wear your heart on my sleeve and will keep you in my heart for now and forevermore. The bass clef represents the foundation of love you brought into my life, the treble clef - the music you gave to me and so many others, and the hibiscus – the spirit of Aloha that surrounded you with every breath.

Let’s go on the adventure that can only be had on the wings of the Holy Spirit

A little over eight years ago, we exchanged wedding vows in the presence of God at the courthouse on the Square. No need for anything fancy other than two leis, two simple rings and two people madly in love, because all you need is love. We pulled up to a dear friends house for a small dinner, and with our hearts full of love, we meandered up the walkway and climbed the stairs only to be met by our guitar player opening the door as we were just about to knock. He said that he knew we were there because the feeling that love had just arrived overpowered his senses and brought him to the door. And we had enough love to share with all of our friends as we broke bread together that wonderful day all those years ago. I’m waking from the longest dream.

I am filled with gratitude as I gently put my foot on the gas pedal, moving forward day by day, prayer by prayer.

#KeepLookingUp #AllYouNeedisLove #HeartTattoo #SpiritofAloha

Gratitude Journal – Day 111 – October 19, 2014

Today was the first…
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of many firsts that we will all experience since you left us myDarlin’ Robert Kenui Pope. Today was your first birthday in heaven and our first holiday without you here with us. And even though it was hard, and we miss you something fierce, we did feel your presence as we celebrated your life. 

Knowing that we had an early wake up to go hiking, I set multiple alarms on both mine and your phone to make sure that I wouldn’t be late. A dog barks, I hit snooze, the chimes ring, I hit snooze, a car horn honks, I hit snooze and then a familiar song by one of our friends blares on the iHome, ‘Baby let me tell you you’re the one’. I get up and say, “myDarlin’ you’re the one!” I leave the music playing as I step into the shower, and hear the song Summertime play through the Bose, and think to myself how apropos.

One of these mornings
You're going to rise up singing
Then you'll spread your wings
And you'll take to the sky

I stand under the shower, water streaming through my hair onto my face joining tears as they fall as one to the shower floor. I realize that Summertime has passed and smile as I hear the song ‘Will you still love me tomorrow’ filling the room. I slip on my jeans and t-shirt with the words Love, Love, Love, Love then head out the door quickly as I don’t want to be late.

We hike to the top of the mountain with our friends (2/3 of the way up for me), and what we see is enough to take your breath away as the view of blue skies, fluffy white clouds, mountains, streams, lakes and flat land is clear all the way to Tennessee. And on the way up, you showed your youngest a stone shaped like a heart, and she gave it to me. Thank you myDarlin’. All you need is love.

We sang Happy Birthday to you, we cried, we prayed, we laughed, we shared memories, we sat in the Indian seats and we took photos (of course!). And when we released a small portion of your ashes on that mountaintop, the wind brought them back to us as in a hug from you from heaven. We carved on the railings along with all of the others before us, Pope ‘14 and Keep Looking Up 10-18-14. As we turned to walk away, she said, “Look at the heart cloud” and we knew it was a gift from you.

The day had just begun myDarlin’, so we went to our favorite restaurant Waffle House. We reveled in the conversation, the simple food and coffee, and friendly service that made it our favorite to begin with. And as I look around, I remember that this is my first trip to Waffle House since you left us myDarlin’, and think of our last trip to our Waffle House during the wee hours of June 21st when we talked of music, Ohana and our ten year plan.

Your birthday celebration has worn us out, so we all go to our respective homes to take an afternoon nap, which is exactly what you would have done. I found myself downloading photos (go figure) instead, and hurrying off to meet the girls at our next stop for the day – a Tattoo Shoppe in Buckhead.

And my birthday present to you this year myDarlin’ is to get a tattoo in your memory. Last night as I was drawing a heart based on a bass clef, I decided to search the internet to see what has already been done. Lo and behold a beautiful heart with a bass and treble clef adorned by a hibiscus flower is staring me in the face. And this morning when I began to talk about what I wanted, she pulled one up on her phone and said this one? It’s as if you chose your own gift and all I had to do was ‘just do it’. The girls went with me and watched as the artist created the heart, yours and mine myDarlin’.

Around the corner (well almost), we pulled into the parking lot at Flip Burger Boutique and I think back to last year when I surprised you. You tried to guess where we were going the whole way there and were wrong on every guess, but ever so excited when we pulled in, and more excited to find that the girls were joining us. You let me choose your clothes (not outfit, because guys don’t wear outfits – LOL!), so we wore pink. Your pink Elvis shirt is now part of a quilt and will forever remind us of your birthday. We ordered the signature milkshakes (Key Lime, Capn’ Crunch and Krispy Kreme Donut), fried pickles and burgers and vowed to start our diets tomorrow.

And as the day comes to a close, I am grateful that God chose you for me and me
for you. I am grateful for our love, our children, our Ohana and the promise of eternal life. I love you myDarlin’.

#KeepLookingUp #AllYouNeedIsLove #HappyBirthdaymyDarlin

Gratitude Journal - Day 110 – October 18, 2014

Clear skies….

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with a chance of meatballs. I took off on the eve of your birthday to take care of various errands including renewing the tags for Tacoma and Malibu Barbie. You would have been proud myDarlin’, as they both passed the test with flying (or should I say driving) colors. The skies have been simply amazing this past week and I can hear your voice, “Stop for a moment Baby, look up and see what I am seeing.” You’ve started something myDarlinRobert Kenui Pope – people make a point to send photos of beautiful skies as they are also looking up.

As the sun set in the night sky, we sit on the patio of a local restaurant listening to a solo guitarist singing Eleanor Rigby (Beatles) and Rewind (Rascal Flats) tunes while we pour over the menu trying to decide what to order. If you were still here myDarlin’, that would have been you, singing on the patio as the stars seem to hang off of the edge of the umbrella at our table with a backdrop of the constant hum of traffic just a few feet away.

Wish I could reach up and reset that sun
Reverse these wheels go back and re-pick you up
Went by so fast oh so sweet
Make me wanna remake a memory
Wish I had me a time machine
Oh I float the moon back up in the sky
Put a cork back into that sweet red wine

And as I run my finger over the choices on the menu, I am glad that the girls are with me as we reminisce about times gone by. Aha! I know exactly what I will have, and laugh as she orders the same. A meatball sub – in your honor myDarlin’ because I know that’s exactly what you would have ordered.

The Time-Hop app reminded me today of your birthday last year, as we celebrated your new lease on life. I wrote of your infectious laughter, your wonderful music, your kind spirit and love of life. And today I reflect upon how grateful and blessed I am to have had you in my life – you changed my everything, my world, and my forever.

Happy Birthday myDarlin’….. Only our dear Lord knows when we will celebrate again with you in heaven and until then I will keep looking up.

‪#‎KeepLookingUp‬ ‪#‎HappyBirthday‬

Gratitude Journal – Day 109 – October 17, 2014

Boss’s Day…
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is one of those Hallmark initiated holidays, or is it? What do you think about when you think of a boss? Is that person merely just someone that you report to or is your boss a leader? As I think back over my lifetime, there are but a few that really stick out for me. Those few that inspire and challenge us, yet give us boundaries and feedback; those that celebrate our successes and create learning experiences out of our failures.

Even as I write and read back over the words I just wrote, I remember so many conversations with myDarlin’ Robert Kenui Pope about how being a leader is in so many ways parallel to being a parent and a coach. And as I listened to all of our children remember him during his service, I know that he earned and lived the role of a leader in our family, an example for all to aspire to.

At Turner Field years ago, we brought our son to see the game. I don’t know who was more excited as we made our way to the dugout where the visiting team was, Kawika or his Dad. And as the player approached, he called out ‘Coach’, which turned a few heads. You see, myDarlin’ was his soccer coach many years ago in Hawaii and he never forgot the lessons he learned and influence he had on him. He thanked us for coming out and signed a couple of autographs as I snapped photos of them. And myDarlin’ was so proud of the man that he had become, humble even in the face of fame.

One day myDarlin’ called me and said, I am going to retire and take the time to truly live. Working countless hours a week as a Chef left little time for relaxing and pursuing dreams, even though he always made every moment count. He had enjoyed working for this company for 28 years, and built lasting relationships with his co-workers and his team, but it was time to scale back and enjoy more of what life had to offer outside of the kitchen. And so, from a Chef to a Cook, he took a job of lesser responsibility; no emails to respond to, no performance reviews or schedules to write, but rather to just do the job he originally enjoyed so much – cooking. And the funny thing is, that even though he was just their co-worker, the team gravitated to him and looked up to him as a mentor and leader.

Her friends were so happy to reunite last year to celebrate her special day. They danced the night away amidst the tropical summer breeze coming down from the mountainside on Maui, and reminisced about times gone by, and times to come. And they gathered around her Father, myDarlin’, who was their soccer coach to get a team photo, just like in days gone by. As I snapped this photo, I thought about how proud I was to call this man myDarlin’.

Today, as the sun sets on Boss’s Day, I am filled with gratitude that myDarlin’ was so much more than a boss for so many. He was a leader, a mentor, a coach, a Father. He was a man who inspired and challenged, set boundaries and gave feedback, all while celebrating successes and creating learning experiences from failures. And I am so proud to call this man myDarlin’.

#KeepLookingUp #Coach

Gratitude Journal – Day 108 - October 16, 2014

At the crossing….

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we must remember to look both ways I thought as I made my way into work this morning. As I walked out the door this morning, the view took my breath away. God, the master artist himself, had painted one of the most beautiful skies ever just for us. Clear blue skies with fluffy white clouds highlighted by the sun. I wanted so badly to throw a blanket down in the front yard and lie on my back to watch the clouds, but alas work was calling my name.

And as I jockeyed my way amongst the other commuters with the same intentions, I came to a red light at the Railroad Crossing and couldn’t help but think about the crossroads in each of our lives, and how we approach them.

I received a text that someone near and dear to me needs to have heart surgery soon and think about the crossroads in his life. A hard working man who has always given his heart and soul to his family now needs our prayers as he approaches this next major milestone in his life.

This evening I join so many others on the rooftop of a local restaurant to bid farewell to a dear friend who is moving across the country to be with her family. How we will miss her so, both on a personal and business level. In the midst of my thinking about how much I will miss her, I am also so proud of her for making such a major move to be with her Ohana and realizing what is most important in life.

I think about the crossroads so many of us are at in our lives. For me and our Ohana, it is learning to live again without the daily physical presence of myDarlin’. And others are also traveling the same journey as they have lost their loved ones.

At the crossroads of life, we must remember to look both ways – not necessarily to the left and right like a stop sign, but rather to the past and the future. Looking back we have a clear view of where we have been and what we are thankful for. And it is in looking forward that we can make a decision to live with intention, to build upon our past experiences and pursue the next adventure of our life.

I am filled with gratitude that as I am at a crossroad in life, I can look back at the wonderful past with mySoulmate, myDarlin’ Robert Kenui Pope and will be able to move forward with the strength and understanding he prayed the Lord would bestow upon me. And I pray for God’s will to touch the hearts of all of my Ohana as each of them as they approach the crossroads in their own lives.

‪#‎KeepLookingUp‬ ‪#‎LetGoLetGod‬

Gratitude Journal – Day 107 – October 15, 2014

Europa…..

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plays on the radio and I remember how much I really love this song. I take a quick screen capture to make a note to myself, and see this: Earth’s cry, Heaven’s smile. For as many years as I’ve loved this song, I’ve never realized what the full title is. It is the perfect description of the transition from death into life.

A text message comes through on myDarlin’s phone and I look to see what it is. It is from Frankie’s, an Italian restaurant down the street with a BOGO free dinner offer. I think back to the rationalization we made about going out to dinner most evenings. By the time we would buy the ingredients and spend the time to fix dinner, we would come out just about even if we went out to eat. And the bonus is that we were able to spend our time together deep in conversation.

As I would come in after work, myDarlin’ was often taking his afternoon nap. I used to pause to look at him sleeping, thanking God for bringing this wonderful man into my life and for the blessings that we have shared. I place my hand on his and reach over to give him a kiss. Every time I do this, he opens his eyes wide and looks around as if wondering where the heck he is. Our eyes meet, he smiles and says “Hey Baby, I love you” and then we make our plans to go out for dinner.

I send a text to my sweet friend to check if we are still on for dinner tonight, and she responds ‘Absolutely!’ We talk of beaches (she just got back), of our husbands, of our life and our writings….. Things have changed since we met all of those years ago. It was First Friday Art Walk and I convinced another friend to accompany me for the evening as myDarlin’ was working. As we entered their shoppe the soft sounds of live jazz filled the air, and I immediately felt a sense of welcome and belonging. An hour later we found ourselves still chatting with our new friends, a beautiful couple so obviously in love. I was so excited to tell myDarlin’ of our new friends and couldn’t wait for him to accompany me the next month for the First Friday Art Walk to meet her and her husband, who was a drummer.

We’ve moved from queso, chips and margaritas to choco nachos, and realize that both of our lives have changed and talk of navigating the waters without our wonderful husbands by our sides. And I know that myDarlin’ Robert Kenui Pope and he are both in God’s House Band now waiting for us to join them one day as they play Europa – Earth’s cry, Heaven’s smile.

Tonight I am grateful for the gift of beautiful friends and the well-worn keys on our keyboards as we share our well-worn hearts of love with you Ohana.

‪#‎KeepLookingUp‬ ‪#‎EarthsCryHeavensSmile‬