Gratitude Journal – Day 62 – August 31, 2014

Art in the park….
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It’s Labor Day weekend and the traditional Art in the Park juried show is back at the Marietta Square. myDarlin’ and I have been to so many of these, wandering from booth to booth admiring the handiwork of talented craftsmen/women. I’m sure this year will be full of first time experiences, such as today going alone where we used to always be together.

I pull into the city parking deck and score a spot on the second floor. As I walk out onto the street I see that this is the Kids Alley, with lots of free fun things for the kids to do such as painting, sandboxed, face painting and sand bottle sculptures. At the intersection there are huge 4 and 5 feet tall metal sculpture flowers and I am taken back to our trip to the Cherokee Farmers Market where we purchased three flowers made of horseshoes and rebar. The next booth has wonderful leather necklaces adorned by fresh water pearls. As I browse through the many different designs, I run my fingers around myDarlin’s wedding band which I wear on a leather necklace adorned by fresh water pearls and I feel him near. The very next booth is full of chairs and gliders, and I smile thinking about what our exchange would be. As much as we don’t need any more chairs, I really do have an affinity for them. OK Darlin’, I’ll pass on them today.

A rush of emotions came over me as I turned the corner and saw the next booth. All of a sudden, it was 2006 again and myDarlin’ and I were browsing at the Art in the Park event after I had just been laid off a couple of days prior. (You can check that story out here from our old blog ) The booth City Art Market was full of colorful prints of local landmarks. We lived in an apartment, but were planning on moving into a house and knew we would need more artwork for the walls. But… I had just been laid off, could we really afford to invest in artwork? Oh, and BTW – at that point we didn’t have a house yet either. We took a leap of faith and bought three framed pieces, each of which has meaning for us, as well as so many Atlantans.

- The Varsity – Everyone knows the large red V right off of I-75 going through town. We took our kids there several times when they visited. Orange shakes, hotdogs and fries….
- Krispy Kreme – I think back to the times piling in, watching the donuts come off of the conveyor, wearing the paper hats while we dined in.
- The Big Chicken – Every Atlantan also knows that all directions begin and end with the Big Chicken (KFC for those who are not familiar). And the best part is that we really did live just down the street from there. In fact, I caught myself giving someone directions just today referencing the Big Chicken.

As one may already guess, or know – our leap of faith was met with a job offer right back at The Home Depot where I still am today going on 28 years. I spied all three of the prints that hang in our den right away, then started to browse through the prints until I came to it….. One that must be added to the collection…
- Waffle House – A favorite stop for myDarlin’, me and the band after so many gigs, for him on his days off when I was working, for our family when they come to town and on every road trip we have taken. So many memories represented by this new addition to our collection.

I make my way down a couple more rows, then stop in at my favorite gift shop on the Marietta Square – Limelight on the Square – to see Susie and Tori. I carefully choose a couple of gifts (which I can’t describe here because they are a surprise), then head back out to peruse the remainder of the booths.

I am once again delighted as I come upon the Manami Art booth. We purchased a small piece a few months back when myDarlin’ Robert Kenui Pope and I had come for a First Friday Art Walk. Her style is light, whimsical, yet deep and thought provoking. She remembered me as I asked about her new piece ‘Mermaid Shower’.  She had posted on Facebook that she had just finished a new piece and I fell in love with it right away. I was delighted to get a print today and will be hanging it in our guest bathroom. We talked of another one of her prints titled DNA. I am fascinated by her outlook and soul, which she shared a glimpse of as she described that piece. We all have DNA which is our family history, but we can also help to shape it for future generations by bringing positivity and hope into our lives. We spoke of guardian angels and how most of us have at least one, but some have more to help to protect them and propel their good works.

At the end of the last row, there is another area for children to create their masterpieces in chalk on the roadway. There is a tiger, rainbows, an ocean with a whale tail and a boat. The one that strikes me is of a mermaid in the ocean with the title ‘Dreams can come true’. Today I am filled with gratitude as myDarlin’ and I had eleven wonderful years of having our dreams come true. Some may call it serendipity or coincidence, but I know that it was part of God’s Master Plan for our lives and that I will be with him again one day in paradise.

#KeepLookingUp

Gratitude Journal – Day 61 – August 30, 2014

April 14, 2014
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What’s in a day? April 14th, the day before tax day? Yes, but it was so much more than that this year. It was the day myDarlin’ went for his follow up visit to the cardiologist. He was following doctor’s orders keeping up with his diet and medicine regimen. He had put a couple of pounds back on and was a bit nervous about that.

myDarlinRobert Kenui Pope worked in the morning on the day of his appointment, and then headed out to see the doctor. I received a text at 2:26pm that read as follows: Awesome checkup! Says I’m doing all the right things. He wants me to get another scan in three years and after that says I’ll be on my own. Whew! What a relief that was.

I worked late that evening, and was prepping for a presentation on social media for our department meeting the following day. I included a screen shot of my Instagram home page in the presentation. Looking back, I see that it is a picture of a slice of life at that very moment in time, a slice to be savored and cherished……
- Open Jam at Paddy’s on Sunday 4/13 - we watched Jason Clark & his band as they rocked the patio
- Cherokee Farmers Market on Sunday 4/13– we each got a soda, then looked at the flowers and decided to buy three very large daisies - the type that are welded together. When a co-worker asked me that Monday if I had been able to do any gardening, I replied ye – except for mine don’t need water.
- Taqueria Tsunami on Sunday 4/13 - located in the Outlet mall on 575 – we had our favorite avocado roll appetizers, and laughed when the server gave us a ‘Moe’s’ pen to sign our check. Robert loved going to this mall because of the Bose store. They knew him so well; they would run to open the door for him.
- Selfie with myDarlin’ on Saturday 4/12 – one of my favorite photos to take. I used to crack up when people would offer to use my regular camera to take a photo of us as they were convinced we didn’t have any because I’m the photographer. Au contraire…. LOL!
- Sweep the Hooch – Team Depot project on Saturday 4/12– yes, I took the photos and wasn’t ‘getting dirty’, but I did sweat right along with everyone else. Robert worked that morning
- The Shuffle Junkies at Hottie Hawgs on Friday 4/11 and the sunset as we drove over there to see them play.
- A shot from a book of quotes given to me by Noe on Friday 4/11. Do what you love. It’s what you were meant to do. I love the sentiment behind that.

And while I don’t have recorded conversations (that would just be weird, huh?), I can tell you that we spoke of music, love, family, work, retirement, summer vacation, the Saints and photography.

Today I am grateful, that even though our days are numbered in the book of life, we had a ray of hope and the promise of tomorrow so that our days all the way to the very end were filled with joy instead of fear, pain and suffering. And even today, as myDarlin’ has gone on to play in God’s House Band, I am filled with hope and the promise of tomorrow as Christ lives within me and I know that I will see myDarlin’ again.

#KeepLookingUp

Gratitude Journal – Day 60 – August 29, 2014

On new beginnings….
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Is it the end or a new beginning? Or is it, the circle of life? I found myself struggling to decide what to write about, partly because I am fighting sleep and partly because there are so many thoughts swirling around like a funnel cloud  in my mind. And then, I think about what happened today and a theme very clearly emerged. In the course of one day, a new baby was born into our family; a dear friend accepted a new job and a new friend shared her story with me about her brother who lost his life senselessly one year ago.

A new baby girl, Violet Faith, joins the Ohana and life is forever changed for Jordan and Melanie as they begin their family. There will be many diapers to change and sleepless nights, but the joy of possibilities, hope and laughter will far outweigh them. Cherish each moment.

My dear friend stopped by my office a little over a week ago and asked if I knew anything about a job opening that was posted, and just accepted the offer today. It’s always a bit scary to move from a place of familiarity into the unknown, but good to push oneself to explore new horizons and trust that the skills you’ve worked so hard to refine will launch you into the next phase of your career.

A new friend shared with me over lunch today the story of the senseless murder of her younger brother a little over a year ago. I empathize with her over the pain that she and her family are experiencing as this phase of their life comes to a close, knowing that the peace I’ve found with myDarlin Robert Kenui Pope’s passing won’t come easily for her and her family. And yet, those that are left behind must go on to find purpose and meaning in life as they begin the next chapter in their lives.

I am filled with gratitude as I think back to the last Sunday morning myDarlin’ and I spent together, and the prayers we prayed for each other.  Robert prayed for God to give me strength and understanding, and I prayed that God would continue to use Robert’s life to bring others to Christ.   And while there is an ending to this phase of our lives, I understand that we have also been presented with the gift of a new beginning in Christ. I am reminded of this as I look up when making my way to work each morning and see the billboard that says, “Trust the Experts” (Cool-Ray advertisement)  and I do.  #LetGoLetGod #HesGotYourBack #DoOneThingEverydaythatScaresYou

#KeepLookingUp

Gratitude Journal – Day 59 – August 28, 2014

There’s something in a name…
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The feeling that one gets when finding out that there is a baby on the way is simply amazing! Whether it be your own child or grandchild, your world is forever changed for the better the moment they make their grand entrance. Yesterday was our grandson Kaleo’s second birthday, and as I am searching through myDarlin Robert Kenui Pope's emails to find a message I hoped existed, I came across this one he wrote a few years back to his first born, Noelani on her birthday.

It was thirty years ago today that my life and all that I thought was important to me took a wonderful change. I still remember that feeling that came over me the moment you were born. Something really big happens when a child is born, and because you were the firstborn, it was so amazing to me. I thought I knew all about love, feeling love, giving love, and accepting love.

But when you were born, a whole new world of love was opened up to me. For the first time in my life, love meant so much more. To have a child, a beautiful baby girl, a part of you to hold, that was a feeling of joy I had never felt before. To feel the responsibility of being a parent, knowing that this newborn baby is depending on you for everything, I had never felt that before either. It was wonderful, warm, so overwhelming that I actually couldn’t sleep for a couple days.

I know that you completely understand now how I felt. The love I see you have for Brayden is amazing! You are a wonderful mother to him; you’ve given your whole life to him. As your father, I am so proud of you and of the beautiful daughter/mother/sister you’ve grown into. Thank you for the years of love and joy you’ve brought me…

myDarlin' and I had so many discussions about the wave of love that rushes over us as our child enters the world, and how blessed we are. We already had three grandsons whom we adore, when Robert got the call from Noe. Not only was she expecting her second son, our grandson, but she wanted Robert to name the baby. 

This was not a job to be taken lightly by myDarlin’ and he spent hours upon hours looking for the perfect name. I remember him telling me about the name Kaleo and how honored he was to have the privilege to choose it. And then, I found it, the text that he sent to his good friend Kaleo and his wife Shelley. 

Wanted to let you know that Noelani is due with her second son. A couple of months ago, she put the responsibility on me to come up with a Hawaiian name for her new born.... it took a while, and a lot of thought. I wanted a strong name, one that brought good memories, and one that people in Wisconsin couldn’t easily massacre. 

Always thought that “Kaleo” is a good strong name and it seems that everyone agrees. 

So today, I Face Timed with Kaelo and Noe and was reminded of how honored myDarlin' was for the privilege of naming him. The Voice – that’s the meaning of Kaleo and I am filled with gratitude as we watch our grandson bring so much joy to all. 

#KeepLookingUp

Gratitude Journal – Day 58 – August 27, 2014

On National Dog Day…
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Even though we love dogs, myDarlin’ Robert Kenui Pope and I never aspired to actually ‘be’ dog owners. Our work schedules much too busy, and during our time off we wanted to be able to do whatever we wanted without having to make arrangements to care for a dog ahead of time. And so…. we got a cat….. My family had a couple of cats growing up and they were wonderful, didn’t require much care other than feeding them and changing the litter box. Sounds easy enough, huh?

We decided exactly what we wanted in a cat, then searched high and low until we found him. A beautiful grey, neutered, declawed, mature male cat who we named KC (yes, we get a prize for originality, huh? Kitty Cat). KC got the best of everything, Fancy Feast and other top notch canned food, an electric litter box and petting on demand. Things went well until he began to bite, prowl and spray. Wanting to figure out what the problem was myDarlin’ took him to the vet who subsequently prescribed kitty Prozac. All of this to no avail and KC made his way back to Pet Smart.

Grand dogs arrived in our lives before grandchildren, bringing joy to all who encountered them on a regular basis. There’s Chaos (Mike & Angela) who doesn’t live up to his name anymore as he is older and slower, but still just as loveable. He’s working on slimming down now by eliminating table scraps from his diet. And then there’s Dexter & Varik (Chris & Tommy) whom we don’t get to see much as they are in Pittsburgh. They have the distinct privilege of having humans who helped to open a Dog Park and hold a yearly benefit to raise funding for maintenance. Dexter, once an excellent trick master, has diabetes requiring shots, and Varik is a lovable, excited tornado on four legs. And then there’s Lilly (Chelle) who just knows that she is human. Luckily for Lilly, Chelle is a fitness nut just like her and likes to go for walks whenever possible. Lilly loved to lie on the floor every Sunday afternoon with myDarlin’ Robert and lick his ears as he laughed uncontrollably. All of them are truly a part of our family as they interact with us and love us daily.

I asked Robert again just a few months ago if he wanted to get a dog when he retired next year. He was quick to say no, and realized that was based on our current lifestyle which includes a career. He paused and said with a smile in his eyes, if we do, I want a German Shepherd because they are so smart, protective and loyal. He told me of his German Shepherd when he was young, but didn’t have any photos. As you can see below, a photo of his dog has emerged with a delightful story to accompany it. His sister Kawehi tells of them finding the dog on the highway in Kailua Oahu, and drawing names to see who would get to name him. She won and named him Ila (i-L-a)

I looked up German Shepherd traits and it read that the breed is one that that seems to be able to read a person's emotion and will respond in kind; having the ability to be playful, loving or very serious, depending on the situation. Read a person’s emotions and respond in kind? Perhaps that is why he was drawn to this breed. This was one of myDarlin’s strong points in being able to ‘meet’ each person ‘where they are’ and respond in kind with words of encouragement, ministering, congratulations, coaching, training, laughter or just plain friendship.

I am filled with gratitude that God created a creature, dogs, with inherent unconditional love for humans and the difference they make in our lives. To all of the dogs in our lives that love us and bring us joy, Happy National Dog Day!

#KeepLookingUp

Gratitude Journal – Day 57 – August 26, 2014

Another wave….
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One may naturally think that I would be referring to another wave of sadness, but quite the contrary…this is one of joy. I love getting packages in the mail, like so many of you. Whenever we would get a package, myDarlin’ would wait for me to get home from work, and then we would open it together.

Let me paint the picture of my ordinary, yet extraordinary day. Sleepy start to another week of possibilities as I arrived at work met with my incredibly talented team and planned the week ahead. I head out the door at ‘Yabba-dabba-do’ time this evening to go to the Aloha Open Mic at Ronnie John’s Sunset Grille, hosted by our good friends Steve and Lesli in honor of myDarlin' Robert Kenui Pope. They are excellent hosts and I know that he would be so pleased with how they continue to bring the music community together. After another night of heartfelt music and friends, I head back home. I pull into the driveway still flanked by Kona flags that Robert was so proud of, and check the mail before heading up the walk to go inside. Excitement took over as I see not one, but two packages in the mail box along with the weekly pile of advertisements that would quickly find their way into the recycle bin.

I feel myDarlin’s spirit with and within me every moment, so I’m not sure why I still call out ‘Hellllllloooo! I’m home!’ every time I walk into the house. Habit, holding on to myLove, or a combination of both? Two packages and one envelope, wow myDarlin’…..

I open the first, one that I knew was coming my way – and it brought a tear to my eye. Kawika sent this package to be included in his Memory Quilt. It contained a pair of his aloha print baby shorts, a yellow t-shirt and his Dad’s infamous long-sleeved tie-dyed t-shirt, the latter two which they wore in a photo as they said Aloha at the airport. I laughed as I saw that the sleeves had been cut off as I could see myDarlin’ so lovin’ that look.

The second, a card from the Gideons on behalf of a dear friend at work. A gift of five bibles will be distributed in honor of Robert Pope to help transform lives through the Word of God.

And the third, a package from Life Link that contains a small black jewelry box and a velveteen pouch with a drawstring. A medal and lapel pins honoring the gift of life that Robert shared with so many. It would be amazing to be able to meet even one of the many people whose life was impacted by his gift. I’m sure that there are many that are still trying to put their finger on what has changed in their lives, not knowing that it is the love of God and the spirit of Aloha.

The state of Aloha can be created in an instant. It is a decision to behave with kindness, generosity and wanting to give joy to one another.

On Day 37 of my Gratitude Journal, I wrote “Robert’s life is like a stone that was dropped into the ocean, creating a ripple that transforms into a wave by the time it reaches the shore.” Today, I am filled with gratitude and smile as another wave reaches the shore. Robert’s life has transformed those who he loved, those who were only acquaintances and those who will never know him personally, with his gifts of love, life and the spirit of Aloha.

#KeepLookingUp

Gratitude Journal – Day 56 – August 25, 2014

The Beatles…..
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One of the things that always amazed me was myDarlin’s Robert Kenui Pope seemingly unending capacity to remember trivia about different musical groups. The Beatles were by far his favorite group, as I’m sure they are tens of thousands of others as well. Although we have most of the vinyl records, he was so excited when The Beatles became available on iTunes and promptly purchased everything available.

A friend told me about the movie Across the Universe, a musical romantic drama, and it quickly became his favorite movie even above Casa Blanca. 34 Beatles songs are woven together to tell a comprehensive story which also includes the historical events of the times. As we watched the movie over, and over, and over we laughed, we cried and watched in amazement at the talent of actors & musicians, but more so of The Beatles.

At one point, we decorated what was then a guest bedroom, with Beatles décor. A bedspread reminiscent of the album cover ‘Revolver’, a desk which we painted black, then covered the top with resin after placing Beatles guitar picks and postcards on it, and the calendar photos hanging on the wall, were just a few items that adorned this room. I loved the fact that he was just as ‘into it’ as I was when it came to decorating the house. I was going through drawers when the girls were here not too long ago, found the package of Beatles postcards and when I opened it up, there it was…. a postcard saying ‘All You Need is Love’

A local band, a Beatles cover band, played at our favorite restaurant this weekend. I smiled as I listened and captured a few moments on film (digital). I, as well as all of the fans on the patio, sang along with every word for every song. Help, I need somebody – I’m in love with her – All my lovin’ and the list goes on and on.

And then, they sang it, a song that normally would make myDarlin’ and me laugh, but this time really hit home. When I get older losing my hair, many years from now, will you still be sending me a valentine? Will you still need me, will you still feed me, when I’m sixty-four? I look over to a delightful couple, our age, sitting directly in front of the band taking a selfie and laughing with so much joy and love. Tears well up in my eyes, spilling over and roll gently down my cheeks as I smile with joy for them. Even though we’ll never have the chance to live it out, I would definitely still need and feed myDarlin’ at 64. (Well, maybe he would be feeding me – but you get the jest)

I am filled with gratitude that I was able to learn from and share myDarlin’s love for The Beatles, and so many other bands he admired. All you need is Love! #MusicisLife #KeepLookingUp

Gratitude Journal – Day 55 – August 24, 2104

On naps….
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Seems that four letter word doesn’t exist in my vocabulary, but it was a definitely part of myDarlin’s vocabulary and daily routine. I am blessed with being able to fall asleep almost immediately upon my head hitting the pillow.

Now, there were times when we would talk and talk, then giggle (wait I ‘giggled’ and he would laugh a manly laugh), and the kids (when they lived with us) would wonder what the heck was going on. Being married to your best friend is amazing in that you never grow tired of spending time together laughing, crying, talking, praying and even in silent understanding. Invariably, I would drift off to sleep long before him, and on occasion he was known to wake me up and ask me to turn over so that I wasn’t snoring directly in his face. Now, I was never one to admit snoring, but it must have been true on those nights when he asked. LOL!

He would wake early to go into work, and come around to my side of the bed to give me a kiss good-bye and tell me he loves me. There were times when I was so tired that I didn’t remember him giving me a kiss and would ask him why later in the day. He would tell me that he never left without kissing me good-bye and saying I love you, and I knew it to be true.

myDarlin’s work day ended earlier than mine, and he delighted in taking his well-deserved afternoon naps. As I came home, I turned my key in the lock and opened the door, then would say ‘Hellllllloooo! I’m home!’ (in my best Ricky Ricardo voice) and be met with silence. I kick my shoes off, climb the stairs and make my way down the hall to our bedroom door – and then I see him, sleeping peacefully as he took his afternoon nap. I kiss him three times, and lay down next to him for a moment to watch him sleep before waking him.

The day before myDarlin’ Robert Kenui Pope left us; he sent me a text as I was out. It said, ‘Thank you for letting me rest.’

Today I look to the sky with gratitude to myLord, and say to him, ‘Thank you for letting myDarlin’ rest in your loving arms.’ Each night as I lay my head on the pillow,, I wrap my hand around the cross given to me by a dear friend, and know that I can rest because He and myDarlin’s memory are with me. And when I wake in the morn and myDarlin’ isn’t there by my side, I’ll know that he kissed me good-bye and said I love you.

#KeepLookingUp

Gratitude Journal – Day 54 – August 23, 2014

Tell her now…..
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We lived across the street for an entire year or so before we realized that there was a great Blues joint across the street. During one of our first couple of visits to Darwin’s, we met him, a wonderful entertainer who would become part of our Ohana on a permanent basis.

myDarlin’ Robert Kenui Pope played at Open Jams with him, we introduced so many of our friends to him and his band, myDarlin’ sat in with his band when they needed a bass player, we went to see him perform whenever the opportunity arose, he’s been to our parties, he came to visit Robert last year after his heart attack, and we were listening to him just moments before myDarlin’ went to be with the Lord.

He’s singing the song myDarlin’. I remember hearing him sing this so long ago – and smile when I hear it again because you told me every day. Such a simple concept makes such a difference in relationships. You knew how to make me feel so special and loved in every way, every day.

Tell her no matter how, just tell her now
Tell your lover, that you love her
Don’t take her for granted,
You have got to be romantic
Send her roses
So that she knows it
Don’t take her for granted
You have got to be romantic
Tell her, Tell her now
Tell her, Show her how
Tell her, No matter how, just tell her now

It’s been two months since you left, and I am listening to him singing this song, right here at Darwin’s. I close my eyes and see those gold lame’ curtains that hung on the back of the stage so many years ago, and feel your presence with me.

I am filled with gratitude as I reflect on the friendships that myDarlin’ and I made in the music community, and this evening for a very special friend, Larry. I know that Robert would want me to tell Larry, and so many others ‘Mahalo for your friendship and love.’

#KeepLookingUp

Gratitude Journal – Day 53 – August 22, 2014

Angry? 
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Let go and let God. I’ve been very transparent (erego the fish bowl) about the journey that I and my family have been on over the past year. I feel that I should address the question(s) that so many ask of me and about me. Are you REALLY alright? Aren’t you angry?

On Monday, March 4, 2013 as I was at the stoplight of Sandy Plains and Canton Road on my way to work, my phone rang. I glanced at the number and decided not to answer because I didn’t recognize it. As I thought to myself, if it’s really important they’ll leave a voice mail, a voicemail notification came through. As I picked it up, I was almost to the road in front of the hospital. The message, congestive failure, hospital, your husband, ambulance all seemed to run together, and I turned at the light into the hospital’s emergency parking lot as I said a prayer. I’m not sure what I prayed for as I was unclear about what was going on at that point.

Following a maze of hallways, I came to the ‘Cath’ department at which the receptionists were so kind as they told me that myDarlin’ Robert Kenui Pope was just arriving. Did he have a heart attack I asked? Yes, and he is having one as we speak – the paramedics and doctors are with him. There was a whirlwind of nurses, paperwork, trying to make phone calls but no reception, doctors….. All I wanted to do at that point was to connect with our family, and finally was able to use the landline to do so.

And then, there they were, two ladies in the room with me. I don’t remember if they were there the entire time, but nonetheless there they were. Can we pray with you?, she asked, to which I replied, Yes, please. We held hands as she prayed to the Lord, the Great Physician, to guide the surgeon’s hands and for His Will to be done. It was at that very moment that I received a peace like nothing I have ever known. A peace that I knew beyond a shadow of a doubt that myDarlin would be OK.

The surgeons came back to speak to me, letting me know that instead of him having to wait for another patient’s surgery to be done – a spot had just opened up. (Yes Lord, it was you at work) The next thing that I knew, myDarlin’ was right in front of me being whisked away for surgery. He saw me, he smiled, I kissed him three times and told him that I love him and would see him soon.

The odds were against him that day, or were they? The survival rate for making it to the hospital for help, then through surgery at ~10%, and here I was with absolute confidence that he would be OK. God’s odds were with all of us that day, especially myDarlin. A common phrase one hears is ‘He’s got work left to do’ and truer words were never spoken.

There was an outpouring of love like I would never have imagined. Friends, family, co-workers – Ohana – all coming together to provide support and assistance during Robert’s recovery period. He gave his testimony on Easter morning sharing the miracles and coincidences (Coincidence = God being anonymous) in our lives. And the you tube video of his testimony traveled the world, sharing God’s love and faithfulness.

Over the next 16 months, we were filled with more wonder and awe of God’s grace in Robert’s, my and our Ohana’s lives and shared our story as often as possible. And then, his work on this earth was done. Just hours before myDarlin’ left us, we prayed at church. Robert prayed for God to give me strength and understanding, and I prayed that God would continue to use Robert’s life to bring others to Christ.

And so, you ask me – aren’t you angry? I hear you say that it’s normal to be angry, and I understand that it is a common emotion in the grieving process. And so I ask, how can one be angry when we have been given a such a precious gift? Over the past 16 months, Robert touched so many lives, and in his passing continues to touch even more. Am I sad that I won’t be able to ever give myDarlin’ three kisses as he opens the front door for me to go into the house ahead of him, that I won’t be bringing him a cup of regular (imaginary) coffee in the morning, that I won’t be bringing him the latest aloha shirt find from the thrift store or taking excessive photos of him playing music? – Yes, I miss him. Am I OK, yes. Am I angry – no.

I am filled with gratitude that our Lord is gracious and answers our prayers. The answers aren’t always what we envision or desire them to be, therefore we must open our hearts and accept that He is in control. #LetGoLetGod

#KeepLookingUp

Gratitude Journal – Day 52 – August 21, 2014

On Decaf and Love….
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How many of us have a cupboard full of coffee cups from different vacation destinations, from favorite restaurants and with cute little sayings on them? Coffee cups are like t-shirts in so many ways, in that both tell so much about their ‘owners’.

Soon after I met myDarlin’ Robert Kenui Pope, I put together a basket (that I still use for kitchen towels) with two tall tan coffee mugs,  two Kitchen Aid dishtowels, coffee and tea and brought it to his place. And while I don’t remember what brand of coffee it was, I can tell you that it was not decaf. One of the coffee mugs met its’ demise not too long ago, and I remember feeling a little sad because it was the first.
- And then there’s the small clear set of Gulf Oil coffee mugs that Robert bought for me shortly after we met while we were at an antique shoppe.
- The oversized Casa Blanca coffee mug I bought for him because it was his favorite movie of all time.
- The I Love Jersey mug that I got for him at the airport after a learning event at the Jersey Shore
- The Bass Pro coffee mug that we got a few years back when we took the family at Christmas time to see Santa and play at the Bass Pro Shop.
- The Life is Good ‘Game On’ oversized mug from our dear friend Susie’s gift shop Limelight Marietta
- The Bad Ass Coffee Company mug that we got on Maui during our 2006
- The Atlanta Zoo mug from 2003, the only time we’ve been to the zoo here in the ATL
- The many Saints coffee mugs that were finds at local thrift shops and would hold a nice bold chicory blend
- The Villeroy & Boch New Wave mugs that match our dinnerware, and have a natural curve to fit your hand
- The Hawaii mugs, again from thrift shoppes that are lucky enough to hold Kona coffee every once in awhile
- The World’s Best Dad Ever mug that Chelle and Becca gave Robert for his 58th birthday in October of 2013
- The ‘Do One Thing Every Day That Scares You’ mug – one of my favorites
- The heat sensitive Elvis mug that would change scenes when you put hot coffee in it. myDarlin’ got to have one cup of coffee in it before I mistakenly put it in the dishwasher… 

And then there’s the Waffle House mugs, all four of them. I know that you all may be thinking the worst, but rest assured that we purchased them during one of our many late night trips to the Waffle House. Such wonderful memories were made after gigs, on his mornings off and the weekends as two or more of us piled into a booth or two.

Coffee time, a time for relaxing, reflecting and discussion with friends, and those we love. The smooth taste of coffee satisfies more than just our taste buds, it gives us a bit of a pick me up. One of the items we gave up on the strong advice of the doctors last year was regular coffee. Decaf became a way of life – and we soon got over the initial withdrawal from caffeine. As I would bring myDarlin’ a cup of coffee in one of the many mugs from the cupboard, he would ask me, “Is it regular coffee?” When I said, ‘no myDarlin’, you know that’s against the rules’, he would ask me again. “Yes myDarlin’, it is regular coffee” was my reply. It never hurts to have a little imagination and creamer with your coffee, does it?

Tonight I am filled with gratitude for the cupboard full of coffee cups, and all that they represent. The good times deep in discussion with myDarlin’ as we shared a pot of coffee, regular or imaginary regular (decaf) against the backdrop of a wonderful life.

#KeepLookingUp

Gratitude Journal – Day 51 – August 20, 2014

How can I tell you….

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What this photo means to me? She sent an email asking to interview me over the phone about the Women in Focus juried art show at the Mason Murer Gallery, in which I will be showing three pieces during Atlanta Celebrates Photography. The contrast of the turbulent waters of the gulf, sparkling against a dark stormy sky elicits feelings of awe and respect for the ocean. (description of photograph)

Squirrel! (insert short attention span here) The mood for myDarlin’ Robert Kenui Pope and I was anything but serious. We decided on a whim to take a trip to Florida, knowing that it wouldn’t be warm and sunny, but nonetheless we would be able to put our toes in the sand. Throw a couple t-shirts, jeans, beach towels and fishing poles in the back of the truck with our gadgets (laptops, iPads, iPhones, camera….) and we’re off! It was so chilly that weekend, but our love (and our sweatshirts) kept us warm (well kind of).

When I tell you that there was no one else on the beach day after day, I’m not exaggerating at all. It was deserted - yes! Robert got his fishing pole out and cast into the vast ocean, while I took photos of the water (yes – the very photo that was juried into the show), seagulls and my very favorite subject – him! And you know how I love photos of the two of us – so I brought my tripod and set the camera up for interval shooting. Those are by far the best photos from this trip, those of myDarlin’ and me.

And how long have you been a member of Women in Focus? I tried to remember, but couldn’t put my finger on it. And how did you find the Women in Focus Group? Aha! Now I remember. It was in 2006 after our trip to Hawaii when my camera was full of dust particles after me changing lenses multiple times. (Yes, I know how to minimize that now) The lady at the camera shop referred me to Peachtree Camera repair, at which point Allen gave me a card for Women in Focus. Eight years have passed since I joined. Who would have thought that me not knowing how to properly change a lens would lead to making lifelong friends?

And so, this year will be a first for me. Not just the first time at this gallery, but the first show without myDarlin’ there by my side. myDarlin’, the inspiration for and subject of so many of my photographs, as well as my signature off-set matting. I’ll think back to the first juried show, where one of the photos was of the bass that Chelle caught off of our dock as she and myDarlin’ fished on a lazy afternoon, as we walk the gallery this October.

What does photography mean to you? I am filled with gratitude knowing that every time I capture the ordinary, it is truly extraordinary. God provides us with a blank canvas every day, and it is up to us to paint the life we dream of and share it in an exhibit for all to see. Even though the skies may seem dark, you’ll see sparking diamonds of hope dancing on the waves as they gently crash onto the beach.

#KeepLookingUp

Gratitude Journal – Day 50 – August 19, 2014

On a white, sandy beach…..
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This morning as the alarm rang next to my head (yes, it was the fourth one I set, and hit the snooze a couple of times), I sat up and hooked myDarlin’s iPhone to the iHome. I’m not sure how or why, but it begins playing songs randomly from his music playlist, and this morning it was this song by Brother Iz..

I saw you in my dreams
We were walking hand in hand
On a white, sandy beach of Hawaii
We were playing in the sun
We were having so much fun
On a white, sandy beach of Hawaii
The sound of the ocean
Soothes my restless soul
The sound of the ocean
Rocks me all night long
Those hot long summer days
Lying there in the sun
On a white, sandy beach of Hawaii
The sound of the ocean
Soothes my restless soul
The sound of the ocean
Rocks me all night long
Last night in my dreams
I saw your face again
We were there in the sun
On a white, sandy beach of Hawaii

We were playing in the sun…. that reminds me of Robert Kenui Pope's cameo with Elvis in Blue Hawaii. When he asked Elvis, “Can I play with you?” he responded, “Come back when you’ve got a girl.” Well Elvis, he got a girl (me) and we were on the ten year plan to play on the white sandy beaches of Hawaii every day. I know that when I get there, that’s where he’ll be waiting for me.

The beach theme came crashing like a wave to the shore again this evening as a young, up and coming band named ‘AndLove’ played regae at the Aloha Open Mic at our favorite restaurant Ronnie John’s Sunset Grille. I said to Lesli and Steve, I just need a drink with an umbrella and my toes in the sand, then closed my eyes only to see myDarlin’ grinning from ear to ear.

Tonight I flipped through photos on myDarlin’s iPhone and found this one he took of a beautiful beach in Florida this past Memorial Day. Robert was happy to be around any large body of water, whether it be Hawaii or Florida. Today I am grateful for times we spent on white sandy beaches and having seen the ocean’s reflection in his eyes and his soul. I love you Kenui.

#KeepLookingUp

"Praise the LORD from the earth, you great sea creatures and all ocean depths,"
Psalm 148:7 NIV

Gratitude Journal – Day 49 – August 18, 2014

Telling your life story…..

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I do believe that it is entirely possible to tell your life’s story through t-shirts. I wrote a few days ago about hangers and how the pile of the commodity that was once scarce quickly grew as I removed Robert Kenui Pope's clothing to put into a pile for Goodwill. I thought the pile of hangers large, that is until today. Today Chelle, Becca and I pulled out all of myDarlin’s t-shirts, Aloha shirts, Chef’s jackets, sweatshirts and anything else you can imagine in preparation for the #MQP. What, you ask is the #MQP? It is the Memory Quilt Project in honor of myDarlin, the kid’s Father, the grandchildren’s Tutu Chef and Kawehi’s bruddah.

When I met myDarlin’ in 2003, he had just moved to the ATL and even though he didn’t have much in the sense of material items, he was extremely organized. His t-shirts all hung by color in his closet, a practice I kept up through the years even for myself. There are one-time favorite shirts that have gone by the wayside, because Tony doesn’t drive for The Home Depot anymore, you grew out of it (isn’t that only supposed to happen to kids?) or it simply became threadbare and your wife won’t let you be seen in public with it on. We have them all!

We laughed, as well as shed a few tears, as each shirt was numbered, a photo taken of it and a story shared about the shirt’s origin. As we move through the project, there will be photos of Robert wearing the shirts and more memories shared. I laughed as Chelle buttoned one of the shirts up for me to take a photo, and was one button off because it sooooo reminded me of Robert. Things that mortified me, such as crooked buttoned shirts made him laugh and want to keep it that way just to tease me. There are concert t-shirts, Kona dress shirts, Saints Championship t-shirts and the list goes on and on.

Soon the shirts will be cut into many pieces and sewn together by a wonderful friend and craftsperson. And when these wonderful quilts are complete, each of us will find ourselves wrapped in the warmth of his love and happy memories. Can you tell your life story with t-shirts? Maybe not ALL of it, that would be huge, huh? but we can share the important parts and that helps to tell the story of who we are.

Today I am filled with gratitude as I recount how blessed I am to have so many wonderful memories to share with you, our Ohana. There is a tribute that has gone viral online about the fact that it doesn’t matter when you came into or departed this crazy world of ours, but rather how you lived the ‘dash’ between. 1955 ------- 2014 would be how myDarlin’s reads, as one dash couldn’t possibly hold it all!

#KeepLookingUp

Gratitude Journal – Day 48 – August 17, 2104

Is it really the end???
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I read of a friend whose 10 year old son took her, his first love, on his first date. He picked her up at the front door, walked her to the car and opened her door, then paid for dinner with the gift card he won at Boy Scouts. The bond between son and mother is very special.

This morning, my son Mike picked me up for a day of junkin’, one of my favorite past times and not surprisingly one of his too. I’ve been asked what the strategy is when embarking on a day of junkin’ and it’s quite simple. Just drive and watch for the signs. Hmmm… that’s strangely parallel to life. Choose your overall plan (junkin’), drive (live) and watch for the signs (Holy Spirit).

I love the conversation that naturally happens when two people are together traveling, and I think that’s why myDarlin’ Robert Kenui Pope and I spent so much time together (usually with him driving:-)) Michael and I talk of days gone by, life experiences and lessons, the future and the possibilities it holds. We find a sale, peruse the goods laid on blankets and tables that were once part of someone else’s’ life, chat with the people, maybe buy or not. Rinse and repeat…. We hit the thrift, consignment and antique shops…. Looking for great deals on wonderful ‘stuff’ and come out quite successful many times.

And then, there’s the sign…. an Estate Sale. We park, make our way up the driveway, and are greeted by the sales team as we walk up the well-worn steps and into the house. It was like stepping back into the 70’s – 80’s with the dark heavy furniture and décor. So many things that reminded me of my childhood, so many things that indicated these people were ‘oh so cool and with the times’ all of those years ago.

I laughed with a friend yesterday as she told me ‘No chairs!’ when I told her that Mike and I were gong junkin’. You see, that was myDarlin’ Robert’s line every time I would go junkin’. If you have been to our house, you would understand. Chairs = a place to rest and spend time with those you love. There! Now you know why I love chairs. As luck would have it, there were two wonderful, orange vinyl, retro chairs calling my name. (Speaking chairs are such an oddity that I couldn’t resist!) And so, Mike carried my treasures, including a vintage external spotlight (for photography) with exposure guide on the back, to his SUV, and we headed off to find the next stop.

We spoke of Estate Sales, and that our perception of them was of ‘Endings’. One would normally think that the person who lived in the home was elderly, and making the move to assisted living whether family or otherwise, or that they had passed away. And because of that, there is for us, a reverence when roaming through and ‘shopping’ in their home. But then, I am reminded of friends who made a decision to stop living the rat race and start living their life and truly taking the time to enjoy one another. Over the years, they accumulated lots of ‘stuff’ which filled their expansive home. The time came to quit taking care of the ‘stuff’ and start taking care of their lives. And so…. they had an Estate Sale! My perspective has forever been changed, and I remember that things aren’t always as they seem. Estate Sales…. the end, or a new beginning?

Today I am filled with gratitude for the treasures in my life. The treasure chest holds an everlasting love for myDarlin’ and all of our Ohana, time spent deep in discussion with my son exploring life and beyond, and the promise of a new beginning and eternal life with our Savior.

#KeepLookingUp

Gratitude Journal – Day 47 – August 16, 2014

Life before death…..

A friend posted an excerpt from a commencement speech on her Facebook wall today, which described adult life to the up and coming young graduates headed to college. It spoke of the everyday life of an adult, how mundane it can be and how choices truly make the difference in our lives.

There are many things in life that we don’t have a choice about, such as our genetics or where we are born and raised as a child. And then there are those things that we do have the opportunity to choose, how we handle ourselves in a given situation, what we believe in and what we aspire to do with our lives.

There are days that go exactly as planned, with every detail falling into place making you a happy person. And then, there are days that begin like any other, but by the end of the day – we are left wondering what the heck just happened. It is in days such as those that we must make a choice. A choice to let the day defeat us, to taint our view of life and all that we believe is ‘fair’, or a choice to slow down a moment to look closely and see the blessings in our life.

Two days before myDarlin’ Robert Kenui Pope left us; we had a discussion with a believer and a non-believer. Robert shared his testimony from his heart attack in March of 2013, and how God orchestrated every moment leading up to, during and after – that he/we are living proof that He exists. And then Sunday came, a day like any other…. until God called Robert home. And what, you may ask, is the blessing? It is that every day over the past eleven years has been orchestrated by none other than God, especially the last days he spent here with us. It is that we were brought together for a reason – to see that every day choices and actions make a difference in other’s lives.

As I pulled in the drive this evening, I saw it – a box on the porch, a box I have been anxiously waiting for its’ arrival. I fumbled as I placed the speaker cable into the jack on his iPhone and turned to a Hawaiian iTunes channel. I gathered the white cardboard box from the living room and placed it and the new arrival on the kitchen table. I carefully removed the bubble wrap that protected the beautiful hand crafted koa wood urn sent by Robert’s sister Kawehi. Tears streamed down my face as I then opened the box marked ‘cremated remains of Robert K Pope’ and held him to my chest. I was surrounded by music and felt the love of myDarlin’ as I gently placed his ashes in the velvet lined urn.

I believe in life after death, as I know that one day we will be reunited in the presence of our Lord. I also believe in life before death, a life filled with choices; to live fully in the moment with no regrets, to look for goodness when it isn’t evident, to love, to trust, to step out on faith.

Today I am filled with gratitude that God answered the prayers we prayed for each other the Sunday he went home. Robert prayed for the Lord to give me strength & understanding, and I prayed for Robert’s life to continue to bring others to Christ. My prayer for you, our Ohana, is to choose life before death.

#KeepLookingUp

Gratitude Journal – Day 46 – August 15, 2014

The view from up here…..

I worked late tonight….. and for some that will come as no surprise. myDarlin’Robert Kenui Pope and I always lived by the motto ‘Work hard, Play hard’ and he was always very understanding when it happened. It gave him time for more well deserved naps and time to play his bass before going out when I would get home.

This evening as I sat at my desk, the lights on our floor went out. I got up to turn on the lamp in my office and noticed the beautiful view from my window. The rays pouring out from behind the clouds reminded me of the sermon at church this past Sunday.

Pastor Denise spoke of perseverance and the important role it plays in our lives. There will come a moment that we will be in the presence of the Lord and those who have gone before us, but until we get there, let’s make our time here on earth count. Perseverance is a choice that each one of us makes. As we face trials and tribulations, we must embrace it, and preserve with it and through it.

At the end of her sermon, Pastor Denise came to where Michelle, Becca and I were sitting and then spoke specifically to them, “Your father is now in the great cloud of witnesses, and he’s cheering you on. It’s ok to grieve, but remember to get up, get moving in what God has called you to do.” I know this message is for me, all of our kids and Ohana… Get up and get moving in what God has called you to do.

As she spoke of the cloud, I remembered what Robert would say to me so many times after a performance. “I really wish you could see the view from up here, you can see everyone and everything.”

Today I am grateful for the seeing myDarlin’ in the clouds as he cheers us on through faith and joy, like the rays of light reflected in the sky.#GoodNiteKenui

#KeepLookingUp

Gratitude Journal – Day 45 – August 14, 2014

Vinyl…..

45 singles and albums lined the racks at the local record stores long ago in a much simpler time. We would hear music on our transistor radios, listen to the Casey Kasem’s countdown and rush to the store to buy the latest record by our favorite artist. Vinyl, before the days of 8-tracks, cassettes and CDs.

Over the years, we’ve had several turntables. From the RCA Victor console we bought at a local antique store, to the Emerson record player that my parents purchased early in their marriage (circa late 1950’s) to the Crossley record player/CD player from Mike & Angela that we played until it quit working, to the digital player we got from Costco a couple of years ago – each one brought back memories of a time gone by when the needle glided over the grooves of the vinyl.

Perusing the vinyl was myDarlin Robert Kenui Pope’s favorite past time during our visits to the local thrift or antique store. He displayed such patience as he flipped through the albums one by one, and was rewarded with finds of albums he used to have or always wanted to add to his collection. At the end of each aisle, I would come back to see how he was doing and he would be lost in thought, smiling and building his pile of picks. I was always amazed at the stories he could recount about the artist and the specific album.

Back at home, he alphabetized and catalogued the albums, and played them for hours on end. The sound of vinyl has warmth that cannot be duplicated by a CD or MP3 file. One Sunday afternoon, when the wire record racks could hold no more, he challenged me to find a double rack. I took the challenge, went to our local antique mall and promptly found the perfect double record rack straight out of the 1960’s. It was the only one at the mall, and I believe it was placed there just for us. (Remember that coincidence is God being anonymous…..)

One day, while myDarlin’ was perusing Facebook; he came across a recommendation for Lake Street Dive, a band that was fairly new to the music scene. Four members, each classically trained, create a unique and dynamic sound like few others we’ve ever heard. He immediate began following this band, and was delighted to find that they would be playing at The Earl in Atlanta. We arrived early and stood directly in front of the band and enjoyed the entire show. Afterwards ad he spoke to Bridget, the bass player, I snapped a photo of them - captioning it, ‘Bass players stick together’.

Soon after, Lake Street Dive released their next LP ‘Bad Self Portraits’, except for this time there would also be a vinyl album available for purchase. He was so excited to get the album in the mail, and in fact the sleeve is front and center on the double record rack. The album is still on the turntable from the last time that he played it.

I am filled with gratitude for the lesson of music appreciation that myDarlin’ shared with all of us. Music truly is the backdrop for life, and as one of our dear friend shared on a memory card at his service…..”where he is at, the music never stops!”

#KeepLookingUp

Gratitude Journal – Day 44 – August 13, 2014

Stamp Out Stigma…….
Preconceived notions are a slippery slope that all of us must caution ourselves against. A friend who has been verbally ridiculed by an uncaring stranger, a star suffering from depression loses his battle or person that appears to be rude by not engaging in conversation when spoken to.

It is imperative that we open our minds and our eyes to understand, and show compassion. myDarlin’ Robert Kenui Pope and I used to talk about personal branding and that at some point, every day, you are being watched. Not by big brother, but by your fellow man to see how you conduct yourself in everyday situations as well as under pressure.

We hear so much about bullying in schools, and the solution starts with us – every one of us. They say that children learn what they live, which makes it even more important to walk the walk.We must stand up to those calling others by derogatory names, while being careful not to fall into the same trap. 

We must strive to #StampOutStigma, to understand that depression isn’t a weakness, but rather an illness to be treated. 

We must strive to understand that others may not be ‘like us’ and may just be painfully shy in social situations.

I am filled with gratitude for our Ohana and strangers who stand up for their fellow man and treat others with kindness and compassion. Together we can make a difference.

Matthew 7:2
For you will be treated as you treat others. The standard you use in judging is the standard by which you will be judged.

#KeepLookingUp