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Let go and let God. I’ve been very transparent (erego the fish bowl) about the journey that I and my family have been on over the past year. I feel that I should address the question(s) that so many ask of me and about me. Are you REALLY alright? Aren’t you angry?
On Monday, March 4, 2013 as I was at the stoplight of Sandy Plains and Canton Road on my way to work, my phone rang. I glanced at the number and decided not to answer because I didn’t recognize it. As I thought to myself, if it’s really important they’ll leave a voice mail, a voicemail notification came through. As I picked it up, I was almost to the road in front of the hospital. The message, congestive failure, hospital, your husband, ambulance all seemed to run together, and I turned at the light into the hospital’s emergency parking lot as I said a prayer. I’m not sure what I prayed for as I was unclear about what was going on at that point.
Following a maze of hallways, I came to the ‘Cath’ department at which the receptionists were so kind as they told me that myDarlin’ Robert Kenui Pope was just arriving. Did he have a heart attack I asked? Yes, and he is having one as we speak – the paramedics and doctors are with him. There was a whirlwind of nurses, paperwork, trying to make phone calls but no reception, doctors….. All I wanted to do at that point was to connect with our family, and finally was able to use the landline to do so.
And then, there they were, two ladies in the room with me. I don’t remember if they were there the entire time, but nonetheless there they were. Can we pray with you?, she asked, to which I replied, Yes, please. We held hands as she prayed to the Lord, the Great Physician, to guide the surgeon’s hands and for His Will to be done. It was at that very moment that I received a peace like nothing I have ever known. A peace that I knew beyond a shadow of a doubt that myDarlin would be OK.
The surgeons came back to speak to me, letting me know that instead of him having to wait for another patient’s surgery to be done – a spot had just opened up. (Yes Lord, it was you at work) The next thing that I knew, myDarlin’ was right in front of me being whisked away for surgery. He saw me, he smiled, I kissed him three times and told him that I love him and would see him soon.
The odds were against him that day, or were they? The survival rate for making it to the hospital for help, then through surgery at ~10%, and here I was with absolute confidence that he would be OK. God’s odds were with all of us that day, especially myDarlin. A common phrase one hears is ‘He’s got work left to do’ and truer words were never spoken.
There was an outpouring of love like I would never have imagined. Friends, family, co-workers – Ohana – all coming together to provide support and assistance during Robert’s recovery period. He gave his testimony on Easter morning sharing the miracles and coincidences (Coincidence = God being anonymous) in our lives. And the you tube video of his testimony traveled the world, sharing God’s love and faithfulness.
Over the next 16 months, we were filled with more wonder and awe of God’s grace in Robert’s, my and our Ohana’s lives and shared our story as often as possible. And then, his work on this earth was done. Just hours before myDarlin’ left us, we prayed at church. Robert prayed for God to give me strength and understanding, and I prayed that God would continue to use Robert’s life to bring others to Christ.
And so, you ask me – aren’t you angry? I hear you say that it’s normal to be angry, and I understand that it is a common emotion in the grieving process. And so I ask, how can one be angry when we have been given a such a precious gift? Over the past 16 months, Robert touched so many lives, and in his passing continues to touch even more. Am I sad that I won’t be able to ever give myDarlin’ three kisses as he opens the front door for me to go into the house ahead of him, that I won’t be bringing him a cup of regular (imaginary) coffee in the morning, that I won’t be bringing him the latest aloha shirt find from the thrift store or taking excessive photos of him playing music? – Yes, I miss him. Am I OK, yes. Am I angry – no.
I am filled with gratitude that our Lord is gracious and answers our prayers. The answers aren’t always what we envision or desire them to be, therefore we must open our hearts and accept that He is in control. #LetGoLetGod
#KeepLookingUp
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